Buscapdes

So my adventures to and from Salt Lake each week provide me with unique experiences...most of which take place on the bus. So here are some ponderings in the style of SlinkyB:

Dear Potentially homeless man sitting behind,
You smell of cheap beer and cigarettes...it is disgusting and yet, sadly, a familiar smell. (What can I say...I grew up in the dirty, dirty...which is how I would describe some of its inhabitants.) Your sickening smell has taken me back to a parade route far, far away. So I guess what I am trying to say through my gag reflex is thank you for the memories. Wanna go to a parade?

Dear Sleepy little Asian next to me,
Your mathematical textbook looks amazingly boring, in part because you are sleeping and in part because it is math. I am sure I would do the same if I wasn't reading Harry Potter...which is luckily nothing like math. Please don't fall off the bench. You are wiggling more than a dashboard bobblehead. I really don't think I can catch you if you fall. Sorry. You can read some of my book, if it helps.

Dear Real Homeless Man with cell phone,
I'm not sure why you are under the impression that no one can hear your phone conversation, because in this box, known as a PUBLIC transportation vehicle, we can hear everything. So now, I not only know where you live, but also that you were homeless a few days ago. Way to go...you're back in a home, with a phone, and a bus pass...and a gym membership!?! Seriously, I'm kind of surprised I didn't learn your SSN in the last 3 blocks. Next time, use your indoor voice...it's not like you're not homeless anymore.

Dear Parked Car Dwellers,
Did you realize that you parked in a busy bus center? By the way you two are going at it in your front seat, I'm inclined to say you didn't...but I sort of suspect you did. Please, PLEASE stop! I do not want your child to find out it was conceived in a bus parking lot. Seriously. Stop.

I think from now on I might be sticking my nose further into one of my many books. It's safer.